Quick status.

Filed my taxes (I think I did... online filing seems iffy), got rejected by Wal-Mart (said there were no openings... why even advertise jobs when there are no openings? It's like someone is too lazy to take down the signs), though they said they'd keep me on file, which is a familiar thing to hear. Now waiting for next job fair.

It's easy to be angry.

Just came back from job interview. Or at least, it was supposed to be an interview. I waited a week after applying to this one before being told to do today's interview, yet all that it was was me filling out a form, giving them more information, and getting told to wait another week before expecting to hear back from them. Too much waiting.

Proper nutrition is a pain in the ass.

Did not walk about today, felt sick and tired. Instead cleaned room, in order to find all important documents and put them where they could be easily reached, etc. Made sure that I still needed more stuff to do my taxes. Cleaning took most of the day, rest was online job search and prep.

I need more than what I'm eating right now. When you're hungry, and your body needs certain nutrients in particular, you will be more drawn to foods that contain those nutrients. I just figured out that that's the logic behind the assertion that I've been making for a while, that shopping while hungry can be a good thing. If you're hungry enough, your body will reject the whole concept of junk food. Of course, this means that I'm not very good at taking care of my own nutrition, because normally when you shop while hungry, you just go for junk food because you aren't too deficient in specific nutrients. Or at least everybody says not to shop while hungry, to avoid buying junk.

Prep.

So today I re-visited the two closest malls, this time adding all the places within a block's distance of those malls. I came out of it with three resumes handed out, though one was to a place that I had already been, but that's ok because the first resume I gave them was the beta version, and was probably thrown out after one glance. I also got a new number to try calling, plus a new idea to try out in internet searching. I also tried to smile more as like was suggested to me, but it's kind of hard to smile sincerely when you're tired from all the walking around. Still haven't completed the assignment I was given, which is to find 5 places I would genuinely like to work at, that aren't advertising job openings in any way, and ask them for work anyways. I've gotten one, but just that one was like pulling my own teeth out.

The beginning

I call myself a lazy ass. At least, I'm the laziest person I've ever seen in person, and can be quite an ass when I want to. The problem is the lazy. I've always tried to get by with the most minimal effort required, so I've never really had to work harder than "half-assed." Of course, no-one ever gets away with this for long, and I knew this. I've always known this. I just thought that only meant that the bare minimum effort would have to be "full-assed" every once in a while. What I did not foresee was that working your hardest is a habit, one that has to be both self generated AND frequent, or it won't stick onto the overthinking type. I've been trying as many things as I could think of to make myself work harder, but the work I was doing in school was escalating MUCH faster than my ability to work hard habitualy, ever since the beginning of grade 12... which isn't saying much, since I really wasn't learning much about how to work harder, except while I was tree planting.

The end of the path in front of my eyes was blindingly clear to me. If I did not learn how to work hard habitually, I would not graduate from University. Therefore, I needed to take a detour. I needed a crash course in all the different ways to work my ass off. As someone who only does the bare minimum required of me, it needed to be something where the bare minimum WAS a maximum effort. A situation where I could only obtain any of the things I needed for survival with my own two hands. Now, I'm a prideful person, and I really hate admiting defeat, so I needed consolation prizes. I had always intended to move down to Vancouver, and the only reason I went to UNBC was because it was too late to apply for UBC. The goal I had set for myself with advanced education was to get the job of a game developer. Vancouver has a large concentration of video game studios, and the job of "game tester" was feasable. Finally, the thought of having student loans, or indeed any debt of any kind, repulsed me, so being able to pay for my own education with a job would be awesome, as well as an extra motivator to make the most of the education I buy.

The first hurdle, then, is finding work, then not sucking at it.